She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
