And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
