i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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