The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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