last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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