Joe is yelling at the trees again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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