i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
