I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
