it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
