he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
