tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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