I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
