I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
