remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
