I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
