sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
