Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
