JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
