Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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