Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
