New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
