You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
