everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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