I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
