sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
