yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
