I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
