Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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