3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
