He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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