you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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