I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
