I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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