Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
