I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
