I met the friendliest cop last night
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
