cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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