I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
