If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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