if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
