I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
