Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
