so that wasnt chicken after all
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
