guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
