First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
