Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
