isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
