I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
