Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
