There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
